did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
