first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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