The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
