just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize