He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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