is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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