I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
