with your own penis?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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