I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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