they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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