That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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