My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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