He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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