I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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