it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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