Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
