I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
