Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
