i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You pole danced in your parka.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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