As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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