I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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