Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
