Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize