oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
