so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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