And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
