Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
