Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize