I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
