my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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