his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
