I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am available for nakedness
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
