Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
