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• (914): View more from New York

  Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  "But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.

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• (516): View more from New York

  mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  all of them.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I think we should have a sex position advent calendar

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• (813): View more from Florida

  He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair

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