you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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