GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
