Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Boobs are out for the taking
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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