shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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