another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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