His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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