there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize