I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
