I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
