I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
