did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The ass gains better be worth it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
