just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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