can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
