**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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