My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
