my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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