I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
