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I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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