Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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