Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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