i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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