so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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