Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
