My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
