you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
