So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Vodka?
Forever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he just fucked me for my cheese.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
