I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
