Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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