how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
