that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am mentally ready for anal.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
