i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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