her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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