Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
