There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
