I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
