He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize