I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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