so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
