and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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