So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
