Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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