I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
