wrigley field is MILF paradise
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
