Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
