i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
