Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
