dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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