OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
