my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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