No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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