I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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