i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
